Learning about life and its ups and downs.
The hardest part is you can't go back.
I wish I could.
I wouldn't change the pain or turmoil.
I would change my mistakes.
My mistakes that have hurt others.
This is me and I'm not gonna change for anyone but me.
Seeing your face appear on my computer screen night after night hearing you giggle watching you smile hearing your smooth voice come through my speakers a cage bird staring at the open sky yearning to fly longing to feel the wind hit my wings the crisp air to fill my tiny lungs. I’m forced in this cage and everyday I imagine what life would be like outside these 4 walls. What I would give to be with you.
I love you baby more than any words can explain more than any action can justify the love I have for you is complex it’s unconditional and forever growing. It’s unimaginable indescribably insane. It’s and unbreakable bond a more than forever kind of love. It’s not just a feeling it’s not just a word it’s a commitment a promise a lifestyle, my lifestyle.
I’m strong
The past few months have been crazy! I’ve grown in God more than I ever thought possible, our finances has plummeted, I learned to love with all my heart, I found the man I want to grow old with and so much more. I guess in getting used to all this Change it’s really not all that easy but I’m trying! We move into our new house on Tuesday I’m a bit scared living in a new place and all but I’m sure I’m ready for this. Just takes some time. Time heals. As for me I have my ups and downs my days are filled with the outmost joy and sorrow but I continue to push through for the ones I love. I have not had a panic attack in 2 years now so here’s to that and I did it with no medication! I’m tough and I will continue to keep my head up each and every day no matter what comes my way!
He cares
I fell down the stairs at work I’m fine just a bit gimpy and bruised up but I can’t push patients around yet. I’m really scared I have to go to another doctor today and in scared that I won’t get to see my baby this week no the world doesn’t revolve around him and if I don’t get to see him I’ll go next week but I’m scared and almost sick to my stomach thinking about it but then a very calming verse comes to mind cast all you cares upon Jesus cause he cares for you and now my voice is singing a different tune. My head turns to the sky where I’m reminded he is my strength. My voice utters thankfulness for the fact that this pain isn’t serious. That this too will pass. My heart cries out for God to take this anxiety. He knows the number of hairs on my head If this God who holds the entire universe in the palm of his hand takes the time to note when a hair slowly drifts to the ground he surely cares about the stress I’m feeling today. So here I am telling a God that created this world that I fell down the stairs an hurt myself, that I don’t know what’s going to happen, that I want to see my boyfriend, and that I want the stress to go away and I know that Hes sitting on his big thrown listening to every word as if I was a kindergarten teacher reading a doctor Seuss book because Hes God and He cares about me Even the things i think are not important He cares.
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